Day 11: Enduring Discipline

Today is Day 11, which is 1 week and 4 days of the Omer . . . . . . Ha-yom echad asar yamim, she-hem sh'vua echad v'arba'ah yamim la-omer.

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Gevurah + Nitzach;  Enduring Discipline

This one is a bit more straightforward than some.  It is easy to decide that we want to be disciplined, that we want to commit ourselves to that which we judge to be good to do.  It is another task altogether to stick to our new behaviors.  Change is difficult, no matter how obvious the change should be, no matter how much the desire to go through with the change.  We have to unlearn certain patterns of behavior and train ourselves to default into new ways of acting.  If we are truly to incorporate new gevurah, discipline, in our lives, it is imperative that we couple it with nitach, endurance, so that we can stick out the tasks we commit ourselves to doing. 

THE OMER CHALLENGE: 

So, how do we apply this idea?  I can't tell you how timely this intersection is.  To date, I have really been getting a lot out of typing up this blog.  Having the space to reflect and grow and learn, it really is fulfilling the mission of making these days count instead of merely counting them down, as I had alluded to in an earlier post.  However, it has taken a lot of time and energy - mostly late at night.  And on the verge of traveling to DC for a conference, I thought, "maybe I might just skip an evening of posting for now."  

But then, what happened when I came into the Temple today was that I heard from a number of people who expressed how much they are enjoying this omer journey.  And I received a few emails from people I love and respect, sharing their reflections on what they've read on this blog.  Though I thought I was committed to this endeavor, I almost let myself down - defaulting to old patterns of my non-blogging state of affairs before this omer period.  It was the support of friends and family who lifted me up and helped me to remember and refresh my new commitment.  Many people have described diets or new jobs or parenthood, the key to finding one's stride is to realize that one is making a new lifestyle, not just modifying an aspect of life.  So, today's challenge: Revisit a recent commitment we have made for ourselves, whether it is a New Year's resolution, a long-time aspiration that we have been putting off, or a recent goal we have set for ourselves.  Let us state that goal/aspiration/resolution/attempt-to-change out loud to at least two people we love and respect, and ask them for their support and help as we incorporate it into our lifestyles.  How do we find endurance in our commitments?  Sometimes, we need to turn to sources of support outside of ourselves to get us through the "change" period as our commitments become more and more a part of how we see ourselves.   

 

THE OMER UPDATE:

Wow, rebuke is hard - even when done with compassion.  Some say that we have lost the ability to truly rebuke others.  I know that it is not in my nature to pass judgment - I avoid it as much as I can, which can be a weakness in certain areas of my life, but usually serves me well in the pastoral elements of the rabbinate.  Briggs-Myers has affirmed that I am not a "J" personality.  So, I actually found yesterday's challenge, to stop before rebuking and figure out how much is about me and how much is about the other, to be a part of how I approach rebuke in my default attempts to avoid giving it.  And I found myself on an unexpected side of my challenge in two ways, instead:
1) I found the need to say something to another person in the way of "rebuke," even though it was wholly against my own desires to do so.  I saw how much it would be important for another person to hear a different perspective, and even though I did not want to have this difficult conversation, I realized that this was the flip side of the challenge.  The conversation was fully for the other's benefit, and I accepted that it might backfire on me if it was not heard with the compassion out of which it was based.  And in the end, it turned into a lovely and important conversation.  I wish I could describe in more depth to offer an example, but I would not want to violate anyone's privacy, nor embarrass anyone.  So, I hope that from this vague description, it gives enough to allow reflection on when we've found ourselves in similar situations.
2) I realized that hearing rebuke takes compassion.  It is easy to dismiss critique and make excuses for ourselves and not realize that elements of rebuke that we receive comes to us from true caring.  When judgment is shared with us from a place of true compassion, when it is more about helping us than the preferences of the giver, it really takes a lot of strength from the other - such appropriate rebuke should never come lightly.  And while our egos may be hurt, we have to realize that someone else cares that much about our development and growth as to go out of their way to put themselves out there, make themselves vulnerable to any way we might mistakenly lash out in defense of our egos.  We have the responsibility to match compassion with compassion and answer back in kind, as difficult as it may be.

Finally, in case you missed the comment from Rabbi Paul Kipnes, a mentor of mine in past experiences and always, who has often given me feedback from the place of compassion and caring about my growth and development, rather than his personal preference, RPK reflected on yesterday's challenge, saying:  "the things we dislike in others are often the things within ourselves that we despise. Rather than calling out after others, we should work to change those things in ourselves."  If only we could all take this wisdom to heart!  Since we cannot control how others act, the only way to start is to commit ourselves to doing so.  And hopefully we can inspire others to do the same.  Thanks again, RPK!