Elul Cool-Down (in Tishrei)

Elul Cool-Down: Connecting

We have started the New Year, we’ve already reflected, and we’ve imagined our dreams for the year we hope to see. Now is the time for our cool-down to carry our Elul workouts into the year we have started; time to figure out which connections we hope to make.

- What is one way I can more deeply connect with each of my loved ones in my family in this New Year?  Will I read more to my children? Will I carve out a few extra minutes each night for my spouse before we go to sleep?  Spend a few moments figuring out how you might proactively deepen your connections with those you love, even when your connection might already be great.

- What is one way I can more deeply connect with myself in this New Year? This time of year is about reflection and growth.  Now that we’ve identified the person we hope to become, what will get us there? How do I connect with the inner me?  Will I read a few books I hoped to get to?  Will I carve out running time to clear my head?  Will I invest in my Jewish traditions that help center and ground me?  How can you make sure to keep your “you-ness” throughout this year?

If we can find points of connection this year, I’m certain it will be an incredible New Year for us all.

Elul Workout #5: Dreaming

Elul Workout #5: Dreaming

With the New Year upon us, it’s time to envision what this New Year could be.  

Ask yourself:

• If I am able to accomplish one big change in my life during 5776, what do I hope it will be?

• When I reflect on my year right before the next High Holidays, how do I hope to feel differently than I feel right now?

Now, go and call a loved one, wish them a “Shanah Tovah,” a happy new year, and share your answers to these questions.  This person can be your “accountability partner” – helping you stay true to your own goals.  Feel free to ask them these questions, as well.

If you have enjoyed this mode of reflection, I encourage you also to sign up for 10q, a site where you can reflect on some meaningful questions about the year that has passed and your hopes for our new one.  They will send you an email each day during the 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Then, next year, they re-send you the previous year’s answers, so you can see your progress!

I wish you and your family a wonderful, meaningful, super-amazing-incredible 5776 full of health, happiness, and pickles (because they are always so delicious)!  May your dreams come true, and if they do not, may the work you do this year bring you closer to them.

Elul Workout #4 - Listening

Are we feeling the burn yet?  I hope that our workouts are bringing meaningful reflection and active preparation for the New Year.  Enjoy the next installment:

Elul Workout #4: Listening

Step 1: Take out your calendar, find a time for 10-15 minutes where you can “work-out” and copy the following steps into a time slot that works for you.  (If now is a good time, then skip step 1)

Step 2: Take our your reflections from last week and review (If you need a reminder of what the previous weeks involved, click here, here and click here)

 

Step 3: A huge part of our success in breaking our patterns and finding newness in this next year comes from our ability to pause for a few minutes and listen.  Out of the still, quiet places, we often find the most inspiration.  We also have the opportunity to find new perspectives and ideas when we put our own agendas on hold and we fully listen to others around us.  Practice listening by calling a friend/family member with whom you are overdue for a chat.  Ask them what they are hoping for in this new year – personally, professionally, spiritually.  Then, just listen.  Ask clarifying questions where appropriate to understand more fully, but just listen.

Step 4: Pause for a few moments and listen to your own heart.  If you meditate, take a few moments to do so.  Then, write your own list: My dreams for this year include . . .

I hope these moments of listening bring us closer to the kind of fresh start we all need for this New Year.

L’shanah Tovah!

Rabbi Ari N. Margolis

Elul Workout #3: Forgiving Others/Forgiving Ourselves

Step 1: Take out your calendar, find a time for 10-15 minutes where you can “work-out” and copy the following steps into a time slot that works for you.  (If now is a good time, then skip step 1)

Step 2: Take our your reflections from last week and review (If you need a reminder of the previous weeks, click here or click here)

Step 3: Reflect on the following questions (you are strongly encouraged to journal your thoughts and put them down on paper).  Be honest and avoid the temptation to become defensive, even to yourself.

-          Reflect on at least one pattern/routine you hope to change in the next year.

         o   Who must you forgive in order to move forward? 

         o   Who do you need to ask forgiveness from? 

         o   Make a list. 

         o   At the end of each list, add your name.

-          Of those you need to forgive, pause and take a moment to think about what you need in order to offer forgiveness – can you do it even if they do not reach out to you?  Remember: forgiving does not require forgetting, but it does require openness.

           -          Of those you need to ask forgiveness, list the offenses you feel that you have brought to others and have the need to move past. 

           -          Finally, take a few moments to reflect on yourself – what do you need in order to let go of looking negatively at your own sense of self in this matter?  Write down your own ask for forgiveness and your response to that ask.   

           -          OPTIONAL: Repeat for another pattern you had identified

Step 4: Take your calendar back out – schedule times to email, call, facetime, text, facebook message, tweet, or visit with the people you hope to ask forgiveness and do it!  Say the hard words and mean them. 

May these Elul workouts bring us a step closer to a healthier, happier new year!

Elul Workout #2: Pattern-Breaking

We have an opportunity at this time of year.  The structure we move into does not need to look the same as where we have been.  If there were routines that did not work for us or that led us into poor habits for our health, for our relationships, or for our sanity, we do not need to fall right back into them.  Rather, this is the time of year, the month of Elul, during which our Jewish tradition calls upon us to make intentional choices about the ways we approach the next year.  

As I mentioned last week, if we wait until Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur to do the work that it takes to change our routines, the High Holidays become a starting place 

instead of the kickoff celebration of our new, improved selves.  To maximize the impact of these High Holidays, we have to first engage in a spiritual workout and do the heavy lifting now, so that we can be in tip-top shape for the start of the year.

Elul Workout #2: Pattern-Breaking

Step 1: Take out your calendar, find a time for 10-15 minutes where you can “work-out” and copy the following steps into a time slot that works for you.  (If now is a good time,

then skip step 1)

Step 2: Take our your reflections from last week and review (If you need a reminder of what last week was about, click here)

Step 3: Reflect on the following questions (you are strongly encouraged to journal your thoughts and put them down on paper).  Be honest and avoid the temptation to become

defensive, even to yourself.

• What has been my biggest source of pride in this past year?  What has been the biggest source of my disappointment?

• What ways have I been less than my best self in this past year?

• List the patterns of behavior, the structured routines I have in my life (they may involve relationships, work, health, to name a few):

• What patterns of behavior have I just fallen into without thinking?

• Which of these routines help me?  Do they help those around me?

• Which of these routines hurt me?  Do they hurt those around me?

Step 4: Pick one routine to workshop for the next week – to analyze and see where there

is room to improve.  Write down some of your thoughts as to how you might create a

different approach.

May these Elul workouts bring us a step closer to a healthier, happier new year!

Elul Workout #1

This weekend begins the month of Elul, the month of our High Holidays. Elul is a time to reflect on the past year and begin the process of shuffling all of our last-second emotional and spiritual paperwork off of our desks so that we can enter this new year with a clean slate. Our rabbis teach that Yom Kippur is actually supposed to be a happy day! It is supposed to be the only day of the year where we have no weight on our shoulders of regret or guilt, because we have already let go of our shortcomings. But this day can only bring such excitement if we begin our reflective work now. 

In the coming weeks, I'm going to offer some Elul exercises, reflections or actions, that can help us get a little closer to the openness for the new year.  Before we jump right to the negatives that we hope to change, it is important to consider the gifts we hope to bring with us into the new year. I find that starting with our hopes and accomplishments helps us make space in our bandwidth for the more critical reflections that are needed to help us realize our dreams. So, we will start from this positive space:

ELUL ACTIVITY #1:

1) Take out your calendar and reserve 5 minutes to reflect this weekend. Copy the steps below into the calendar, so you have the info handy.

2) Ask yourself: 

- What were my three biggest accomplishments/happiest moments this year?

- Who do I need to thank for helping me experience these moments?

- What are my three biggest hopes for next year?

(I highly recommend actually journaling your answers, either in a notebook or on a document on your computer or phone - quick answers are a great start, if it's all the time you have)

3) Make a point to reach out and thank the people who helped you achieve your special moments. If time is an issue, calendar times to reach out to each person, so you know you'll do it.

I hope these steps start the process toward a happier and (spiritually) healthier new year. 

Flagging Down Prejudice

As my first blog post from my new home in Vernon Hills, IL, I had to reflect on today's big event.  Below is what was sent to my new congregation, Congregation Or Shalom, in our Blast of Torah.  Enjoy!

Today is a momentous day!  Not only is Shabbat coming; not only will we be gathering for Shabbat in the Park (please join us at 6PM for bring-your-own-dinner gathering and 7PM for the music-filled, family-friendly services).

This morning has brought us an incredible moment in our nation’s history.  The State of South Carolina has taken

down its confederate flag, a symbol of oppression and slavery and hatred, which has flown for over 50 years.  Having just moved here from the state of North Carolina, I can tell you that struggles over the symbolic meaning of this flag are still ongoing in parts of our country.  For many who have grown up in the shadow of such a symbol, flying on the grounds of a state capital and an official option on license plates, our country has not felt as free and open as we would like to think a society should be. 

As I watched the flag come down, I found myself moved – at the same time proud to see our country come together to take down this ugly symbol, and yet disappointed that in 2015, we are still learning why it is necessary to remove. I was reminded of our Jewish values of leadership that emphasize our obligations to protecting everyone in society, not only the perspectives of the majority, but also those of most vulnerable and “the stranger amongst you,” those who may be in the minority.  Though the flag may be gone, the hatred and bigotry it stands for is still present.

On this Shabbat, may we each find the chance to celebrate the progress our country has made today in taking a big step towards transcending the bigotry that the confederate flag has continued to fan.  May we each also consider other symbols, some that we might wave, that have the potential to hurt those around us.  And may we each find strength to continue to combat prejudice and hatred of all kinds, wherever it is found – in our own hearts and in the hearts of others.

In Awe of New Beginnings

This is the letter sent to our Temple Beth Or family to announce our new beginnings:

To our Temple Beth Or Family

This month, I am filled with yirah.  For those of you who do not take notes at every sermon or teaching, I’ll remind you about this word – the core of my rabbinic thesis.  Yirah is the experience of being awe-struck by those powerful moments in which we are reminded that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves.

My current sense of yirah comes out of reflecting on the love that I have for my TBO family.  The amount of volunteerism and communal care that I see daily is inspiring.  The connections formed here, whether in our chavurah program or our 6th Grade family B’nei Mitzvah retreat, fill me up with warmth for our community and hope for the future of the Jewish people. Our worship and music move me, even when I am given the opportunity and responsibility of leading it.  Our youth are active and love to be here, learning with one another, finding a home away from home. The team of congregational leaders and staff that we have here is full of talented, dedicated, caring people who want only the best for the TBO community.  As an advisor to the membership committee, I feel that it is a “no-brainer” to extend an invitation to someone new to join our TBO family, because I genuinely feel perplexed at how someone would not want to be a part of such a great Jewish home.

 

For the past 5 years, I have been given the privilege and awe-filled responsibility of serving our incredible TBO community as a rabbi and an educator.  So it is with a heavy mix of emotions that I share with you that I have been offered the opportunity to lead Congregation Or Shalom in Vernon Hills, IL, outside of Chicago, as their next senior rabbi, starting in July.  While this is an incredible opportunity for me to employ the plethora of leadership skills that you have endowed in me through your trust, support, and openness, it also means that I will be moving away from Temple Beth Or.  Rabbi Dinner and Bryan Wiggins and the rest of the TBO leadership have stood by me, allowing Rachel and I to find the right next opportunity for us with the awareness that if that right fit was not there, we would be welcomed back to TBO with open arms.

Over these years, I have journeyed with so many of you through both trying and tragic times and also those incredibly uplifting moments of joy and wonder.  You have given me the awe-inspiring responsibility of bolstering our children’s Jewish education.  In close partnership with our religious school committee and our various principals, we have developed a strong sense of mission and vision for our religious school.  We have experimented together, we have learned together, we have laughed together, and we have cried together – these shared experiences have shaped us all, and I know that they will continue to shape the future of TBO.

My family has found a home here at Temple Beth Or.  Rachel and I have made countless friendships, and the TBO preschool community has lovingly embraced our daughters, Laila and Adaya, helping them to grow and develop their own sense of what it means to be a part of a community. We are excited for our next adventure, as we move to the greater Chicago area and get our girls adjusted to a real winter while further indoctrinating them as Cubs fans!   And yet, we are also incredibly sad to leave TBO and our TBO family.  

Which brings us back to yirah. TBO is so much bigger than any one person. My family and I cannot thank you enough for all the ways you have embraced us, supported us, and helped us find a home.  I am so proud of all we have done together, and I know that TBO is going to continue to be a warm source of community and love and learning and social action – a place where our Jewish values are not only discussed, but lived.  Rabbi Dinner’s wisdom, Zemer Lexie’s ruach (spirit), and Robert’s governance will continue to bolster TBO.  Thank you for the privilege of allowing me to serve you as a rabbi and for the embrace you have put around my family.  Rachel and I are filled with yirah because we now have come to realize, we may be leaving TBO, but we will always be a part of the TBO family, as you have become a part of ours. 

With love,

Ari, Rachel, Laila, and Adaya