Baseball and Sacrifices and Tolouse, France - Let them draw us near to our best selves.

                Sacrifice.  In baseball, it is a useful strategy – bunting the ball with the knowledge that the batter will most likely get thrown out at first, but the net result will be to advance a base-runner to second or third base, drawing them nearer to the promised land of home plate.  A sacrifice represents the giving of oneself, one’s own energy and efforts and statistical prowess, for the benefit of the team.  Ultimately, the act of sacrifice in baseball is a statement of trust in the rest of the team and its bigger mission – to score more runs than the opponent. 

In this week’s Torah portion of Vayikra, we learn the laws of the ancient version of bunting – the sacrifices offered to God, via the priests of the Tabernacle and, eventually, of the Temple.  The Israelites were expected to give from their valuable flock and herds and food stocks – the results of their efforts and energy and prowess – as a means to a relationship with God.  Reading the rules of these sacrifices, however, one realizes that the goods given over to the priesthood were not just burnt up to the heavens, but rather they helped to sustain the community at large.  Some sacrifices ended up going to the poor, while others went to the priests (who could not own their own land), and still others went towards communal celebrations and commemorations.  If a person did not have enough goats to make certain types of sacrifices, one could give pigeons or wheat or even prayers.  The Hebrew word for sacrifice, korban, literally means to draw near – and the ancient korbanot, sacrifices, were intended to draw the Jewish community nearer to one another and to God.

I believe that we need this week’s Torah lesson after a week like this one.  At least I know that I do.  We have heard of the horrific killings of Rabbi Jonathan Sandler, his two children Aryeh and Gavriel, and another child, Miriam Monsonego in Tolouse, France.  While we do not know all of the reasons behind their killings and likely never will, it seems as though they were victimized specifically because of they were Jews.  Upon hearing of such tragedy, we might be reminded that we have been jaded by a nonstop cycle of news reports that transmit death after death to us.  I know that I have allowed myself to become distanced and detached upon hearing of such occurrences, sorting it in my head as another example of how our world is and thanking God that it wasn’t closer to home.  I would guess that I’m not alone.  Perhaps our response should not be one of distance, but of korbanot, of drawing near.  Let us utter a prayer for the community and Jews of France.  Or send condolences to the families of the Ozar HaTorah school: Ozar Hatorah 33 rue Jules Dalou 31500 Toulouse, France.  Let us hug and love our dear ones.  May we prevent this moment from distancing us from our best selves but rather bring ourselves nearer to the compassionate, supportive people we value and strive to be. 

If the purpose of a baseball sacrifice is to increase the hopes of scoring a run, then maybe our modern day sacrifices involve preventing ourselves from giving in to the evils that we see in our world.  With each senseless tragedy, we can choose to spread hope in this world, through gestures small and large, sending out the message that we cannot accept that such acts are merely the way of the world.  There has to be a better way.  We cannot and will not stop searching and working to draw ourselves nearer to that world.

Parashat Vayikra 5772

BLASTING SOME TORAH!

It has taken me a while, but one of my New Years Resolutions (from Jan 1, not from Rosh Hashanah) was to get back into the blog-o-sphere. 

 And that brings me to today.  Sometimes, fate can have a funny way of prodding us along the paths we seek to travel.  I had written a piece for our Temple e-blast, but due to a mix-up, the link sends viewers to last week's Torah commentary by Rabbi Dinner (which is still a wonderful piece on resolution-making - trying to figure out how to link to it).  So, if you want to see THIS week's Temple Beth Or Blast of Torah - here it is!  Win-Win!

Get Up!  Stand Up!

            This weekend we honor a legendary hero in our society, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  The dream of Dr. King was of a world the way it could be – he had the courage to refuse to accept his society the way it was. He risked his body, his reputation, his freedom in order to stand up to a system that was unjust.  And it did, unfortunately cost him his life.  However, the changes he brought about have become his undying legacy and his message is a timeless one.

            So timeless, that we see echoes of Dr. King’s non-violent fight in this week’s Torah portion.  After the Pharaoh of Egypt declared that all male-born children in Egypt should be killed upon birth, the Israelite midwives, Shiphra and Puah also stood up to the perceived injustice of the decree. They risked their own lives by facilitating the delivery of healthy Israelite children.  And in doing so, they differentiated themselves from the Egyptian

            Our Jewish and American heroes teach us to stand up to injustice.  It is easy to complain about the ills of our society, and that is an important first step, but if we fail to take action, we become a part of the pervasive culture that facilitates the problems we see. We all know this, cognitively, but Life is busy for us all, but if those who came before us had not stood up for us, none of us would have the choice to ignore our societal problems.

            It is a New Year, a time for each of us to explore new opportunities.  With the amount of suffering just locally, we each can find a cause to rally around and stand up for.  We can get out and make phone calls in opposition of the proposed gay marriage ban, which threatens the rights of those who are living in loving relationships.  Volunteer with our Habitat for Humanity Abraham build on Sunday mornings, where we are not only building a home for a family in need, but we are also building bridges and dispelling myths amongst our Jewish, Christian, and Muslim communities.  Spend time distributing food at the Interfaith Food Shuttle, so that we can experience first hand the importance of feeding those who do not have enough to sustain themselves. 

            There is no injustice too small or too large to stand up to.  Let us just not be complacent.  As Dr. King said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”  And it is why a slew of rabbis, including my own mentor, Rabbi Richard Levy, marched alongside Dr. King decades ago, praying a Shabbat service in a Mississippi prison.  Unfortunately, it is not hard to find such threats even here in our own backyards.  Let us use this long weekend as an invitation to start working to repair our world directly – either by volunteering right now, or by signing up to make a difference at a future date.  Then we will truly be honoring the legacy of a man and a movement whose dreams we all hope to realize.

-       Rabbi Ari N. Margolis

Parashat Shemot 5772 

Day 35: Leadership in Humility

Today is Day 35 which is five weeks of the omer . . . Ha-yom shloshim v'chamesh yamim, she-hem chamishah sh'vuot la-omer.

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Chod + Malchut - Humility and Leadership

As we wrap up our week of humility, we have hopefully worked on letting go a little bit more of our egos, which has hopefully helped us to recognize the part of ourselves that is a part of something bigger that we care about.  I know for myself, I've thought about how I am as a husband, a parent, a rabbi, a son - all sorts of roles - and done a little bit of separation between what I make about me in each of these roles, and what I do that is not about me at all but about these relationships. 

Now we turn the tables of such exploration specifically to the area of leadership.  How do we use our humility to lead?  What I've been finding through these reflections is that it takes a quiet confidence to be humble.  When we have insecurities in our egos, this is when we have the most trouble achieving humility.  In such situations, we tend to need feedback in order to feed our sense of self - to receive validation or support or confirmation that what we are doing is good and appreciated. 

When we are unable to fill ourselves up with what we are doing, it is hard to have true humility about our actions, since we feel the need seek out affirmation.  My mentor from the Rhea Hirsch School of Education at Hebrew Union College in Los Angeles, Dr. Michael Zeldin, once met with me to discuss how I was doing in an internship, and we spent a good deal of time talking about confidence.  He asked me where my confidence comes from, and at first I responded with feedback from others.  And he helped me to understand that confidence has to come from within based on being able to analyze one's own actions with the tools of a plethora of theories and best practices.  We take feedback in as a means to assess the work we are doing, but that should not be a referendum on the person we are.

When we have a quiet confidence that comes from within - a sense of who we are, even as we are willing to openly question and analyze and improve upon the work that we do - the feedback we seek becomes more about our shared purposes than about our individual needs.  And this is what it means to lead through humility.  As we ask questions of others and relate to others in the course of trying to make things happen in our world, the key is to not make such interactions about us, but to keep focused on the tasks at hand.  And when we model this in our leadership roles, we lead through humility. 

THE OMER CHALLENGE:

Today is a day to work on our self-confidence.  Think back to the paper-slip activity and focus a bit on the building-up side: "For my sake, the world was created."   Spend a few moments just taking-in an aspect of our world that reminds us that "For my sake, the world was created."  Let this experience remind us that we have positive things to experience in this world and to contribute to it, and that we are worthy of living up to our responsibilities.    

As a VERY BROAD CHALLENGE (I wish I had ideas for how to make this more measurable and concrete, but nothing's popping up and it's time to get the post out).  During the course of the day, in the tasks we attempt, let's work on separating out the validation we crave for our own sense of self from the feedback we need in order to evaluate what we do.  Let us hear feedback openly and not conflate it with who we are but rather allow it to inform what we do.  Practice this, and see if it works for us.  This way, we can be more open to questioning the ways we approach our tasks in ways that might allow us to go about our work/projects/relationships with a bit more humility.  And we might inspire others to do so, as well.

Days 32, 33, and 34: LOTS of humility (And Lag B'omer - the big break of the Omer)

Today is Day 34 which is 4 weeks and

SO, I guess on the weekends blogging gets tougher  - with the different schedule and with the fact that as a rabbi, I've been working most of the weekend, and I'm still learning that balance.  But rather than just move past the last couple of days.  Though I haven't written about them yet, they have a lot of meaning, so I'll incorporate them all together in this post.  


THE OMER INTERSECTION: Chod + Nitzach, Chod, and Yesod - Humility mixed in with endurance, humility, and today's actual intersection, bonding:


As we build back up to today's intersection, let's at least run through the others from the past few days: 
Humility and Endurance - What are the challenges to sustaining our humility?  When are there moments in which we are tempted to ignore our humility and act with brashness?  Do these lapses in humility take us away from the person we are trying to be? Sometimes, we choose in the short term to respond with ego instead of taking a step back and allowing our humility to give us the patience to endure.  One of the most common scenarios in which we respond in such a way is the inclination to say, "I'll just do it myself" when someone else struggles, doesn't fully follow through, does something differently than we would, etc.  There is nothing humble about "I'll just do it myself," even when we think we're doing it to be helpful to others.  Not that there is never an appropriate time for such a response, but we probably all do this more often than we should.  


Humility and Humility - What holds us back from being humble?  Is it the vulnerability of allowing myself to reflect and see where I may have made mistakes as opposed to blaming everything on someone or something else?  Do I see my humility as central to my ego, making it not so much an expression of letting go of ego, but rather making it a central part of who I am?  When we are humble because we think we should be, we are making our response about us rather than about the bigger issue going on.  This intersection from the lag B'Omer (which was today - more on that soon) requires us to remember to keep our focus on that which is outside ourselves


Humility and Bonding - Sometimes, when we respond from a place of  humility, we can feel a bit lonely.  To walk a path of humility sometimes requires us to suppress certain things we might want to say but would not be productive for our cause, our community, and ultimately ourselves.  Examples of such experiences include times when we hear private things about someone else that the other would not want us to share or when we end up looking bad when someone else does not follow-through as expected.  To share such details would make us feel better in the short-term, but we might regret such actions later.  Our intersection for this evening and Monday challenges us to rethink our reactions to such situations.  We have to recognize that in such cases, the drive to share with others can be a bit more about our own egos.  Because we are so worried about that part of ourselves, we might feel alienated and separate when acting on our humility.  But, if we let go of the ego, chalk it all up to a part of the bigger picture, and act in ways to support others and work more closely with others, these moments of humility can actually bring us closer together.  




THE OMER CHALLENGE:
For this day, when we have a moment in which we are tempted to assign blame to someone or something else, stop.  Whether in speaking to someone else or just in contemplating a situation for ourselves - let us instead take responsibility for being a part of the solution, working with others and bringing them closer.  Excuses can push people away, even when legitimate.  There are times for excuses, but for today, let's not make this one of those times.  


Shavua Tov!

Day 31: How Compassion Can Help Us Reach Humility?

Today is Day 31, which is four weeks and three days of the Omer. . . Ha-yom echad u'shloshim yom, she-hem arba'ah sh'vuot u'shloshah yamim la-omer.

   

 

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Chod + Tiferet - Humility and Compassion:

Humility and compassion seem like they are already companions.  As we're seeing this week, humility is all about our ability to shift our mindset to thinking about how a moment is all about me to how a moment is about something bigger than myself.  It is about seeing the privilege in being a part of, as opposed to taking for granted that such moments in life just happen.  To reach such a state of humility, we have to reach outside ourselves, and this is what tiferet, compassion, pulls at us to do.

While we have also been exploring the boundaries in which too much chod can suppress us and can overly diminish our sense of self, today's intersection calls out to us to actively pursue the times in which we are not finding enough humility.  It is our sense of compassion that has the potential to move us out of our self-important bubbles and towards finding greater meaning outside of ourselves in all aspects of our lives.

THE OMER CHALLENGE:

So, today, let's work on our humility.  If we followed through with yesterday's paper-slip challenge (more on that in a bit), we may have found a few places in our lives where we realized that more humility might be a good thing.  Let's pick an area our lives in which we could use an extra dose of humility, and open our hearts to feeling compassion for others.  If we need to do this as a spouse, then spend time listening and openly inviting our partners to share with us, and as we listen try to experience the discussion from their perspective and point of view, and not how it makes us feel.  If we need the humility at work, let's seek out and listen to the ideas of others and genuinely consider what they have to say, seeking to find merit rather than listening just to shut it down.  Wherever we need it, let's work to bring that humble approach to our lives.

OMER REFLECTION: The Paper-slip challenge

I have to admit, I really LOVED the idea to actually put the pieces of paper in each pocket from yesterday.  I had to look at the "dust and ashes" slip a few times just to remind myself that the concept for this experiment was not my own, but based on century-old wisdom passed along to us.  For the most part I followed-through on the exercise, and I absolutely learned a few things about myself and about humility:

1) I think of myself as a humble person.  I don't crave the spotlight unless it is about a bigger cause than myself, I constantly and consciously fight to ensure that what I do is more about values and the needs of those I love and serve rather than my own ego, and I can be genuinely hard on myself.  I had expected to be reaching into the "world for me" pocket more often than the "dust and ashes" reminder.  But the opposite was true.  Maybe this is just what I do all the time to keep my ego in check, but it was an important self-realization.  (In fact, I just reached back into the "dust and ashes" pocket to remind myself that while I am definitely doing self-reflection here for self-growth, this blog space is also for others and I shouldn't just make it about me.)

2) Humility is all about an appropriate balance.  A number of times, I found myself reaching into one pocket, only to then feel the need to reach into the other!  For part of the day yesterday, we were shooting a video for the last day of religious school.  We were dressed in ridiculous costumes, and I figured, if I'm going to embrace the embarrassment and silliness of this moment, I needed the self-confidence "world for me" reminder.  As I did so, I then thought, "But I have to keep in mind that as fun as I'm having while doing this, it's not about me - it's about creating a moment for the kids in the religious school.  So, I reached my other hand in the other pocket and grabbed both slips of paper at the same time.  I found this happening a number of times during the day..  

3) Doing such a concrete, ongoing, accessible activity throughout the day really helped me gain consciousness about my thoughts and actions.  It did so in a wholly unexpected way.  Of course, there were times during the day when I forgot I even had the papers, but then I'd get back on track, and each time I had to decide, it brought a whole different awareness of the moment at hand.  I learned so much from this experience, that I have the papers in my pockets again today, hoping to continue to grow from it all!

Day 30: A Pocket Experiment - Humbly Seeking Discipline and Our Voices

Today is Day 30, which is four weeks and two days of the omer . . . Ha-yom shloshim yom, she-hem arba'ah sh'vuot u'shnei yamim la-omer.

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Chod + Gevurah - Disciplined humility:

Today is an odd couple.  Chod and Gevurah - discipline in humility.  They don't seem to go together much, as humility has always struck me as a virtue that comes about organically.  But I guess this is why today's intersection has great significance, because we do not always spend a great deal of energy actively pursuing and honing our humility. 

So, the first question should be, in what ways do we need discipline/focus in our humility?

There is a rabbinic saying attributed to 18th-19th century Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Peshischa (a town in Poland), that: at all times one should carry two slips of paper, one in each pocket. When we have a moment in which we are feeling down on ourselves and low, we reach into one of the pockets to pull out the slip of paper that has the Talmudic statement, "For my sake, the entire world was created" (Babylonian Talmud Sanhedrin 38a).  And at times in which we are feeling really high on ourselves - maybe a little too high, we reach into the other pocket to find the paper that has the words of Abraham, "I am but dust and ashes" (Genesis 18:27). 

Perhaps this is the discipline we need - to be aware that there are times for humility and times to subdue our humility in search of our voice - the words and sounds for which the entire world was created.  

We each have our tendencies - towards brashness and self-importance or towards humility.  And we may experience each in different areas of our lives (i.e. put me in a conversation about baseball strategy, and I need a major dose of humility in order to listen to someone else's perspective and to avoid coming across as a know-it-all.  Ask me to speak for a cause, and I need to remove my self-doubts and my excess humility to find my voice that can speak to the moment at hand).  Gevurah demands that we harness our own tendencies to be able to apply the appropriate amount of humility for the task at hand for the individual who needs it.  

Now, the caveat here is that we should never lack humility altogether.  Even if we have to fight ourselves to go out and find a voice and speak it to others - in a relationship, in the workplace, on stage at a performance, even in a job interview - we should always do so with a humble approach.  The moment does not need to be about me, but about the shared experience we are facilitating.  Our humility draws us to understand that we have the potential to be a vehicle through which events in this world can happen.  Other people could also be that person to do this, but at this moment, I'm the one who is here.  With such a disciplined approach, we have a greater chance at successfully engaging others in the task at hand.

THE OMER CHALLENGE:

So, I shared a story about the two slips of paper.  I LOVE this story.  I even have a tallit (prayershawl) that has these two expressions written in Hebrew on the corners of the tallit, so I can keep this in mind while I pray and while leading others in prayer, as well.  

Today, let's put this story into practice.  Try it out, LITERALLY!  Let's experiment. I am currently writing down the two expressions on two slips of paper: "For my sake, the entire world was created,"  and, "I am but dust and ashes."  And now, I am putting those papers into my pockets.  Let's each do the same and over the course of the day, when we need it, take out the appropriate statement and look at it (or at the very least, touch the pocket with the needed slogan and re-adjust the level of humility).  Pay attention to how often and in what situations we turn to each statement.  As I write this, I'm taking out the "dust and ashes" statement, as I'm very aware that I am audaciously asking you to do some crazy kind of exercise.  And I need to keep in mind that my request is not for my benefit, but an offer to you to take it on as you would for your own sake, not mine. 

Happy humbling (and un-humbling)!

Day 28 UPDATE (I know this is going backwards. . .)

I know this is going backwards - chronologically and in terms of the intentions I had written about for today, but I thought it might be worthwhile to see some of the impact of the action that our group of religious leaders took on.  Though I don't speak in it, you can see the gist of how what we did helped to shape the portrayal of yesterday's rally against gay rights (and you might even catch a glimpse of me . . . I'm the one in the kippah, who is not a woman)

http://charlotte.news14.com/content/top_stories/641105/gay-marriage-debate-takes-center-stage-inside-and-out-of-legislature

Also, here's an article in which I actually was quoted:

http://www.news-record.com/content/2011/05/18/article/triad_legislator_opposes_a_ban_of_gay_marriage

OK, back to work, but thought I'd throw that out there. . .

Day 29: Coming Back Down To Earth - a Week of HUMILITY

Today is Day 29, which is four weeks and one day of the omer . . . Ha-yom tishah v'esrim yom she-hem arba'ah sh'vuot v'yom echad la-omer.

After such big events yesterday, it is EXTREMELY appropriate for me to be entering into this next week of chod, humility.  And in our progression of values, we've just been dealing with nitzach, endurance, which tends to be a bit more about oneself and bolstering self-confidence and self-worth to see the need to commit to one's own goals and dreams.  We have to feel that we are important enough to make a difference or to be worth improving if we are to see our tasks through.  But it is important to balance such pursuits with chod, humility, so that we do not become too self-important.  So, to shift the balance from us to the collective you, let's enter our week of chod!

 

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Chod + Chesed - the love of humility:
A beautiful perspective on chod, straight out of the Spiritual Guide to the Omer:
Humility is modesty; it is acknowledgement (from the root "hoda'ah"). It is saying "thank you" to G-d. It is clearly recognizing your qualities and strengths and acknowledging that they are not your own; they were given to you by G-d for a higher purpose than just satisfying your own needs. Humility is modesty; it is recognizing how small you are which allows you to realize how large you can become. And that makes humility so formidable.

As we visit our own humility, we do so from a starting place of chesed, love.  Often we can confuse humility with self-deprecation. It can sometimes be difficult to check our own egos without knocking ourselves down a few pegs.  But what this does is actually damage our own sense of self-confidence and self-worth.  Belief in oneself does not conflict with humility.  It is possible to have both, though it can be difficult.  We have to believe that I am good enough and capable enough to help make a difference, but that the difference I make is not all about me.  This is the challenge of our intersection of today - how do we show our humility without knocking ourselves down.

THE OMER CHALLENGE:

I like to have action-packed challenges, but it is unrealistic to think we can grow by just doing and not reflecting.  So, today's a reflection/noticing/get-to-know-oneself-better challenge.  

Let us all pay attention to our own thoughts and what we say today.  Let us try to bring added humility to all we do, but in any moments of expressed or experienced humility, let us try to avoid self-deprecation in what we say to and about ourselves.  If we do let it out, may we each correct ourselves and find a different way of expressing our own humility, our own sense of not being the centerpiece of that moment, but in a way that does not push us down, as well.

OMER REFLECTION:

I am really impressed by this intersection following on the heels of yesterday's.  I hadn't looked ahead enough to really understand how endurance and humility need to work hand in hand, but I'm excited to work on this for the next week!  We all have egos, and we all need to fuel those egos at times, but we also have to temper them so that we do not get too full of ourselves.  In many ways, blogging is quite an ego-filled endeavor - it takes quite a bit of chutzpah to assume that what I have to say is worthy of someone else's time to read and take-in.  In fact, just today, we have reached the 1,000 viewership threshold (I can't help it - my engineering background loves looking at statistics!).  I recognize the blogging chutzpah and it is important for me to see this blog more as an invitation.  I am gaining and growing from this process, and I'm hoping it will help those who read it to find your own growth, as well.  But I know it's not about me and what I say, it's about you and what you do with it.  

I just stood in front of the media in the legislature of North Carolina.  I could sit here and laud myself, and I do feel good about having walked my values.  I could also sit here and feel disappointed that my name didn't appear in the newspaper (that I know of) or that my soundbit didn't make it into the nightly news.  But that wasn't the point - the moment was not about me, it was about a cause.  And in each story I have seen about the rally against gay marriage, this press conference was mentioned as an alternative voice and an opposing point of view.  What I DID was important, but that was because I happened to be the person who was standing there.  Humility helps us to understand that for our important causes, any one of us can be that person - the key is that someone has to do it.  This time it was me.  Next time, I might be standing in the background, who knows?  The most important thing is to show up, walk our values, and continue trying to make a difference each and every day.