OMER DAY 1: Accounting Blessings

It is still the chag, the festival period of Passover, a time of joy.  So, I'm going to start my accounting from a place of joy and happiness.  At the recent CCAR conference (it's the big rabbis union), I heard from a number of folks that hope and inspiration is a much better motivator than fear.
I heard that phrase and just took it in - I thought, "Sure - makes sense." But now that I reflect on it in context of our Omer accounting, it makes more sense. What we love drives us to think bigger about doing what is truly right and just, to dream for the heights and swing for the fences.  Fear may more urgently drive us, but only so far as to do just enough to get us out of the fearful zone.  Living in fear for too long causes too many neuroses, so the constant fear option doesn't work for me either.

Today's Omer accounting involves taking stock of that which makes you happy.  So far, the format I'll be using is to introduce the accounting theme of the day, a reflection question (or two), and some active tasks.  Will I be able to do it all each day?  Who knows?  But we can't get there if we don't try!  This blog will serve as my journal.  I invite you to do the same for yourself - journal your own Omer accounting.

Personal Omer reflection #1: Take stock of the blessings you are feeling right now (do not put too much pressure on yourself to be comprehensive)

• Though I'm often too busy to notice, I am feeling incredibly blessed right now.  And I don't use the word "blessed" lightly: the overtly religious connotation sits in my throat a bit every time I talk use it - it feels almost supernatural.  Yet, when I allow myself to get over the word's cultural context, it represents the idea that I am able to experience happiness and joy from things that are not fully under my own control.  I may be able to influence the love my wife has for me through acts of care and careful listening (which I know I would like to do more of than I actually end up doing) - but, ultimately, I cannot control her love for me - it is her willing choice to insanely feel such sentiments for a guy like me.  And so I cannot take for granted and think it is in my own hands - it is a blessing.

• So, random word-association list of blessings:
• The love of an incredibly talented and beautiful inside-and-out partner in my wife.
• Kids that make me smile just by taking breaths
• Sunshine
• Chicago Cubs baseball, no matter how futile this year's hopes are
• Daughters who know not of such futility, but instead laugh with joy and say "Go Cubs" every time they see a big, red "C" or a pitcher throwing a ball, regardless of his team.
• Community
• Dancing
• Ability to think and solve problems
• DVR
• Kosher-for-Passover jelly fruit slices (sorry, Rach, but those things just make me happy)
• Random phone calls/emails from friends 
• That the movie Starship Troopers exists
• The moments when someone notices the effort I put in
• Catching one's breath while running and getting into the zone
• Living in the present

I could go on and on, but the omer accounting is not intended to take up the entire day.  Already, though, I'm feeling much smilier (not-a-word, but it should be) than when I sat down at the computer!

Omer task #1: Show someone they are your blessings

• Say "Thank  you" to someone who looks out for you on a daily basis, above and beyond the "call of duty"
• Say "I love you" to a friend or family member you haven't spoken to in a while.
• Write a hand-written note (thank you card, letter, anything) to someone who makes you happy.

Today is Day 1 of the Omer. . . Ha-yom yom echad la-omer.

Baseball and Sacrifices and Tolouse, France - Let them draw us near to our best selves.

                Sacrifice.  In baseball, it is a useful strategy – bunting the ball with the knowledge that the batter will most likely get thrown out at first, but the net result will be to advance a base-runner to second or third base, drawing them nearer to the promised land of home plate.  A sacrifice represents the giving of oneself, one’s own energy and efforts and statistical prowess, for the benefit of the team.  Ultimately, the act of sacrifice in baseball is a statement of trust in the rest of the team and its bigger mission – to score more runs than the opponent. 

In this week’s Torah portion of Vayikra, we learn the laws of the ancient version of bunting – the sacrifices offered to God, via the priests of the Tabernacle and, eventually, of the Temple.  The Israelites were expected to give from their valuable flock and herds and food stocks – the results of their efforts and energy and prowess – as a means to a relationship with God.  Reading the rules of these sacrifices, however, one realizes that the goods given over to the priesthood were not just burnt up to the heavens, but rather they helped to sustain the community at large.  Some sacrifices ended up going to the poor, while others went to the priests (who could not own their own land), and still others went towards communal celebrations and commemorations.  If a person did not have enough goats to make certain types of sacrifices, one could give pigeons or wheat or even prayers.  The Hebrew word for sacrifice, korban, literally means to draw near – and the ancient korbanot, sacrifices, were intended to draw the Jewish community nearer to one another and to God.

I believe that we need this week’s Torah lesson after a week like this one.  At least I know that I do.  We have heard of the horrific killings of Rabbi Jonathan Sandler, his two children Aryeh and Gavriel, and another child, Miriam Monsonego in Tolouse, France.  While we do not know all of the reasons behind their killings and likely never will, it seems as though they were victimized specifically because of they were Jews.  Upon hearing of such tragedy, we might be reminded that we have been jaded by a nonstop cycle of news reports that transmit death after death to us.  I know that I have allowed myself to become distanced and detached upon hearing of such occurrences, sorting it in my head as another example of how our world is and thanking God that it wasn’t closer to home.  I would guess that I’m not alone.  Perhaps our response should not be one of distance, but of korbanot, of drawing near.  Let us utter a prayer for the community and Jews of France.  Or send condolences to the families of the Ozar HaTorah school: Ozar Hatorah 33 rue Jules Dalou 31500 Toulouse, France.  Let us hug and love our dear ones.  May we prevent this moment from distancing us from our best selves but rather bring ourselves nearer to the compassionate, supportive people we value and strive to be. 

If the purpose of a baseball sacrifice is to increase the hopes of scoring a run, then maybe our modern day sacrifices involve preventing ourselves from giving in to the evils that we see in our world.  With each senseless tragedy, we can choose to spread hope in this world, through gestures small and large, sending out the message that we cannot accept that such acts are merely the way of the world.  There has to be a better way.  We cannot and will not stop searching and working to draw ourselves nearer to that world.

Parashat Vayikra 5772

Day 23: Enduring with Discipline

Today is Day 23, which is 3 weeks and two days of the Omer . . . . . . Ha-yom shloshah v'esrim yom shehem shloshah sh'vuot u'shnei yamim la-omer
 

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Nitzach + Gevurah; Endurance with Discipline
One of the ways we find to endure towards our goals is by developing habits.  I remember when I was playing baseball, I would go into the batting cages and hit ball after ball, swing after swing, trying to develop a body motion that would allow me to get the bat on the ball without having to think about it.  My physical motion became a reaction that we call a "swing."  And rather than thinking about how to move my hands and wrists and arms and waist and legs all together as a ball flew towards me, my swing just happened.  All I had to think about was whether or not to swing in the first place (and that too needed to be trained into a bit of a reaction, as well).  My swing was my habit. 
By the time I got into higher levels of baseball playing, the balls from the pitcher came faster, and I had to decide sooner whether or not to implement my swing.  When my hitting started to fade, my coach took a look at my swing.  That habit I had developed over all the years of hitting was starting to betray me!  My coach noticed that I was making some unnecessary motions - a "hitch," he called it - in my swing.  He worked with me to re-focus on the mechanics of hitting the ball - the path from which I sent the bat from above my shoulders to the point of contact.  I would do half-swing after half-swing, shortening the motion into more of an ax-chopping than a roundhouse, keeping the head of the bat from dropping too far.  And eventually, I had erased my old habit of a swing and incorporated a new one.  That year, my statistics improved dramatically (as did my playing time), and I learned about the intersection of our two values today.
Sometimes, our endurance can actually get in the way of our discipline.  In this story, my original habits actually took me further away from my goals, because I was not disciplined at ensuring that I was swinging properly in the first place.  When conditions changed, I did not, and therefore, I was almost left behind. 
The  Spiritual Guide to the Omer asks, "Do I use my endurance against itself by being tenacious in my lack of determination?"  I saw in this question the following question, "Do we sometimes allow our habits to get in our way by refusing to re-visit them?" We have to be disciplined in our endurance and open to changing our habits so that we can truly live out our long-term goals.       
 
The OMER CHALLENGE:
I really liked the challenge from The Spiritual Guide to the Omer: Break one bad habit today.  Now, I know that is a bit vague, and it is MUCH easier said than done.  So, I'll offer a little bit of a pathway towards this goal, and I'll attempt to follow it myself, too. 
1) Identify a habit to change
2) Actually write down three actions to take in order to help re-train yourself
3) Put it in your calendar to re-visit this action list two days from now, a week from now, two weeks from now, three weeks from now, and a month from now.  And for good measure, put it on for two months, three months, and six months, as well. 
4) Follow-through with the actions and the reflections
5) If needed, seek help from someone else.

Disclaimer: While I know this post is a little late, it was written and ready to go DURING the 23rd day!  But the website hosting this blog was down.  We'll cut them some slack, because it is an incredible service provider who makes the ability to post to this site incredibly easy.  And I hope we all found a way to endure without the on-time posting!