Day 17: Compassion Squared

Today is Day 17, which is 2 weeks and three days of the Omer . . . . . . Ha-yom shivat asar yom, she-hem shnei sh'vuot u'shloshah yamim la-omer.

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Tiferet + Tiferet;  Compassion Squared

Compassionate compassion.  When we experience compassion, we can often feel compelled to help others.  It is often a starting point for our desires to make a difference in this world.  When the world pulls at our heartstrings, and we get the urge to help, it is important that we check our compassion with more compassion.  

Wait, what?  Yes, this is the intersection of our day - what does that mean to check our compassion with compassion?

At times, our urges to help come more from our own feelings of guilt that there are others suffering while we are not.  And we end up reaching out in ways that are more about ourselves and what we think is needed than if we listen to the other and reach out according to what the real need may be.    

THE OMER CHALLENGE: 

So, how do we apply this idea?  As we discovered yesterday, the key to finding compassion is to listen.  Often when we listen to others, however, we bring ourselves into the conversation, which sometimes moves away from the needs of the other.  For today, let us attempt to listen to someone in our lives, and truly hear their needs without bringing in our own.  It is our challenge to avoid the urge to make our listening about ourselves, and attempt to respond not based off what we feel guilty or responsible to do, but in terms of what the other's true needs may be.  Of course, the caveat would be that this does not mean we should go against our own core values/beliefs in order to do something for another that would compromise who we are.  But if we give this compassionate compassion a shot, we might just find that we end up living out our values/beliefs a bit more than usual. 

OMER REFLECTION:

In my attempts to be disciplined in my compassion during the day, I realized that as a rabbi, it is a part of my job to be compassionate.  However, I hope that I never bring compassion just because I am supposed to do so.  I made a few calls today in order to express my compassion for others, as per the assignment and as per the responsibilities of truly being there for those in our community. Before making the calls, I had a momentary reflection on whether or not we can force ourselves to be compassionate.  Can we "fake" compassion?  I let those thoughts go, made the calls, listened to people and journeyed with them along the issues and challenges and joys that are going on in their lives, and when I finished making a few calls for the day, I realized that true compassion is genuine.  We as humans have an innate sense of when others are not being true to themselves - when the insides do not match the outside.  The disciplined side of our compassion is what drives us to put ourselves into a position to be there for others and we each need the discipline to prepare ourselves before talking with others to find a way to open our hearts so that compassion is possible.  But we cannot fake our way through being there for others in a way that is truly based around compassion.  In order to be the best helper we can be, the best rabbi or doctor or volunteer or customer service agent or any other role in which we may find ourselves called upon to display compassion, we have to bring our true self to the task at hand and be the best person we can be.  We can't fake compassion, we have to be compassionate.  And though this is my reflection from yesterday, I guess it leads us right into today's intersection of values!

Day 16: Finding Focus

Today is Day 16, which is 2 weeks and two days of the Omer . . . . . . Ha-yom shishah asar yom, she-hem shnei sh'vuot u'shnei yamim la-omer.

OY!  So, for the first time I did NOT post in the evening.  And wouldn't you know it, it's on a day of discipline!  However, don't fret, I counted the omer last night and thought about what to write, which you'll see below.

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Tiferet + Gevruah;  Compassion with Discpline - Focusing our Compassion

Compassion can be one of those emotions that floods our senses, overwhelming our heartstrings, and causes us to feel moved.  It's why some of us cry at movies or why mob bosses in movies cry at commercials (I'm looking at you, Robert DeNiro).  In recent weeks, we have had much to overwhelm our senses of compassion, between tornadoes, and earthquakes/tsunamis, a plane that crashed, and all sorts of compelling stoires we see on our 11 o'clock news every night, we can sit by our television sets/internet news sites/newspapers? and be overwhelmed by the amount of compassion we have to have.  At some point, it can make us numb to all the sadness around us, and such dulling of our senses takes us away from all the gifts that our compassion can bring to us and, more importantly, to the world.
This is where our discipline, gevurah, comes in.  If we are to avoid compassion fatigue, becoming numb to the world around us and not responding to the ills of our world, we must focus our compassion.  Rather than allowing ourselves to buy into the mentality that it is all too much for me to even begin to know what to do, just respond - take action.  We are called upon to discipline ourselves to respond to our compassion and focus that energy that moves us into some kind of action.

THE OMER CHALLENGE: 

So, how do we apply this idea?  Whether the action is picking up the phone to call a loved one who is ill and could use a bit of support or the action is donating money to a fund that is helping victims of a natural disaster or even going out into the community and volunteering with our own hands and feet, let us focus our compassion and make a difference. 

OMER REFLECTION:

Yesterday's challenge was to take time to express compassion.  And though I was in meetings for the majority of the day, I found time to do a lot of listening.  Listening is probably the first ingredient to compassion - because if we are not taking anything new into our hearts, we cannot allow the world to move us and bring out our compassion.  I guess as a rabbi, there are lots of opportunities to find sources for compassion.  Today was a good reminder that it is my responsibility, as a rabbi but more importantly as a human being, to listen to others.  In doing so, not only do we offer support and strength to other people, but we too accesss parts of ourselves we otherwise might not have known.  So, thank you to anyone who shared parts of your days with me yesterday and gave me the gift of being able to find and express my compassion.  I hope I helped in any way you needed, and know that y'all (hey, I am in the South, now), helped me to remember some of the more important aspects of my life, as well.  

Day 15: Transitioning to Compassion

Today is Day 15, which is 2 weeks and one day of the Omer . . . . . . Ha-yom chamishah asar yom, she-hem shnei sh'vuot v'yom echad la-omer.

This week we move from the judgment and commitment of discipline to a somewhat opposite perspective - compassion, tiferet.  To have compassion for someone else actually requires us to suspend our judgment, to leave that to others.  The Spiritual Guide to the Omer mentions that compassion is a blending of the harmony of chesed, loving-kindness, with the discipline of gevurah, making it the next logical step in our journey.

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Tiferet + Chesed;  Compassion Converging with Loving-kindness

We start out with a bit of a softball, so to speak.  It is hard to imagine compassion without chesed, love.  And I'm starting to notice a trend in this system - the starting point of each of our values will be love.  It is a reminder that the ideal reasons we commit ourselves to any of these other values comes from the Huey Lewis sponsored power of love.
Love is the obvious starting point, middle point and ending point of compassion.  The struggle, the challenge to harmony, that emerges from the convergence of these values, I suppose, is to be vigilant of when our compassion does not come from love.  Have we ever taken someone else's side of an argument just because we were angry with a third party?  Have we overtly shown compassion to another because we have something to gain for ourselves?  

THE OMER CHALLENGE: 

So, how do we apply this idea?  Despite the reflection above, I am looking forward to partaking in the challenge from the Spiritual Guide to the Omer.  It compels us to ask the following questions: Ask yourself: Is my compassion tender and loving or does it come across as pity? Is my sympathy condescending and patronizing? Even if my intention is otherwise, do others perceive it as such? Does my compassion overflow with love and warmth; is it expressed with enthusiasm, or is it static and lifeless?
Applying these thoughts to our everyday lives, such questions challenge us to bring genuineness (I don't think that is a real word - I stand corrected, it is in the dictionary) to our expressions of compassion.  To truly let our heart sit with the other, and be true to the other and to the emotions of love that we are feeling.  

So, how would we apply this in specific, measurable actions?  Let us go a bit above and beyond in expressing love to another in one of the relationships that are easy for us to take for granted.  Make time to express our compassion.  Let us be genuinely caring with our family; let us be active, alert, giving listeners to the personal saga of our co-workers; let us actually wait for and listen to the response to our question, "How are you today?" when we ask it.    

OMER REFLECTION:
This is another one in which I have failed to complete the challenge I set out for myself - thought it is not too late to follow through.  My New Year's list is at home, and we started the day in DC.  So, it was a bit tough to fully analyze my goals and assess/adjust/tinker towards a better state.  But now that we're back in Raleigh, I hope to follow-through with this one, even if I do it on another night of the omer.