Day 17: Compassion Squared

Today is Day 17, which is 2 weeks and three days of the Omer . . . . . . Ha-yom shivat asar yom, she-hem shnei sh'vuot u'shloshah yamim la-omer.

THE OMER INTERSECTION: Tiferet + Tiferet;  Compassion Squared

Compassionate compassion.  When we experience compassion, we can often feel compelled to help others.  It is often a starting point for our desires to make a difference in this world.  When the world pulls at our heartstrings, and we get the urge to help, it is important that we check our compassion with more compassion.  

Wait, what?  Yes, this is the intersection of our day - what does that mean to check our compassion with compassion?

At times, our urges to help come more from our own feelings of guilt that there are others suffering while we are not.  And we end up reaching out in ways that are more about ourselves and what we think is needed than if we listen to the other and reach out according to what the real need may be.    

THE OMER CHALLENGE: 

So, how do we apply this idea?  As we discovered yesterday, the key to finding compassion is to listen.  Often when we listen to others, however, we bring ourselves into the conversation, which sometimes moves away from the needs of the other.  For today, let us attempt to listen to someone in our lives, and truly hear their needs without bringing in our own.  It is our challenge to avoid the urge to make our listening about ourselves, and attempt to respond not based off what we feel guilty or responsible to do, but in terms of what the other's true needs may be.  Of course, the caveat would be that this does not mean we should go against our own core values/beliefs in order to do something for another that would compromise who we are.  But if we give this compassionate compassion a shot, we might just find that we end up living out our values/beliefs a bit more than usual. 

OMER REFLECTION:

In my attempts to be disciplined in my compassion during the day, I realized that as a rabbi, it is a part of my job to be compassionate.  However, I hope that I never bring compassion just because I am supposed to do so.  I made a few calls today in order to express my compassion for others, as per the assignment and as per the responsibilities of truly being there for those in our community. Before making the calls, I had a momentary reflection on whether or not we can force ourselves to be compassionate.  Can we "fake" compassion?  I let those thoughts go, made the calls, listened to people and journeyed with them along the issues and challenges and joys that are going on in their lives, and when I finished making a few calls for the day, I realized that true compassion is genuine.  We as humans have an innate sense of when others are not being true to themselves - when the insides do not match the outside.  The disciplined side of our compassion is what drives us to put ourselves into a position to be there for others and we each need the discipline to prepare ourselves before talking with others to find a way to open our hearts so that compassion is possible.  But we cannot fake our way through being there for others in a way that is truly based around compassion.  In order to be the best helper we can be, the best rabbi or doctor or volunteer or customer service agent or any other role in which we may find ourselves called upon to display compassion, we have to bring our true self to the task at hand and be the best person we can be.  We can't fake compassion, we have to be compassionate.  And though this is my reflection from yesterday, I guess it leads us right into today's intersection of values!