Rabbi Lucy Dinner, with whom I have the privilege to work and to learn, shared with me a lovely excerpt from a book by Rabbi Karyn Kedar who was quoting a person I did not know until coming across this text, Marion Woodman (How's that for a convoluted introduction to a text? Hey, it's the rabbinic way - downright Talmudic, even!). Ms. Woodman expounded on some of the life lessons she had gained from some of her times of weakness - in this case physical weakness, as she was coping with cancer.
"What I learned is the difference between fate and destiny.
We are all fated to die. Destiny is recognizing the radiance
of the soul that even when faced with human impossibility, loves all of life.
Fate is the death we owe to nature.
Destiny is the life we owe to soul."
- Marion Woodman. Bone:Dying into Life.
New York: Viking, 2000. p. xvi
(Quoted in Our Dance with God. Karyn Kedar.
Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights, 2004
-- emphasis my own)
On many levels this quote is helpful for our Omer reflection, today. Ms. Woodman turned a weakness of hers into a strength, by allowing herself to find a new, more important perspective than she was motivated to have found in her years before facing a stark reality. She offers us the beautiful paradigm of a difference between fate and destiny - one I took to heart through the lens of identifying our weaknesses.
Those parts of our character we find to be flawed, they are a part of our fate. For example, I will never be the most organized thinker or the most rememberful person (I know it's not a word, but it should be! I love it!). That is my fate. But it does not have to get in the way of who I can become. I do not have to allow that fate to dictate my own limitations, but I can only do so by admitting the weakness and seeking ways to work around, through, and in spite of the challenge. My brain is not wired for routines - to those who are structure-oriented, making it to day 6 of a daily blog seems to be no big deal, but for a person of my character, man is this tough! I love it, I look forward to it, but I still worry about my ability to keep up with it, because of the ways I think. I have put ticklers in my calendar to remind myself to write and post and facebook-share. And it is all a part of a learning process for me. But these are all ways I am trying to shape a destiny that is different from my fate. It's a much more inspiring way, I think, of saying, "In our weaknesses, we find opportunities." Which is probably what I would have said to some extent, had I not been exposed to the above quote. Instead, the big idea of today is that it is time for us to accept our own fate in order to be able to shape our own destiny.
So, with that bit of personal anecdote meant to reveal a bigger idea (hopefully it worked?), we are ready for today's reflection:
OMER REFLECTION DAY 6: List your weaknesses/challenges/things that get in your way of getting where you want to be that are a part of your current fate.
- KEY RULES TO THIS PROCESS:
- Do not be overly harsh on yourself - be as factual as possible, and use calm, non-pejorative language.
- Do not nitpick (Don't go to your list of strengths and find flaws in those areas)
- Do be totally honest - part of why we live with flaws others see in us but we cannot see in ourselves is because humans are good at being delusional. . . don't let that be one of your flaws. If it is, list it so we can work on it!
- Do not walk away from the list totally despondent or overwhelmed. . . if this is how you're feeling, time to stop the list for now, and revisit your list of strengths. Call a friend. Take out your list of happy places from earlier.
OMER ACTION DAY 6:
- Pick one or two from the list you've created to work on for the next couple of weeks (on our workshop reflection days - you'll see what I mean when we get there).
- Share your chosen "weaknesses" with a loved one or confidant or an omer-journaling buddy, so you can have someone to hold you accountable and cheer you on in your ongoing attempts to change your destiny
Ha-yom shisha la-omer
Today is Day 6 of the Omer
My Reflection:
Oy, it feels like too many to list . . .
- Time management
- Things take me a long time to accomplish
- Wanting to do everything and having trouble saying "no."
- Following-up on well-intended ideas
- Actually hoping the Heat win the NBA Championship (I did grow up there, folks!)
- Never enough time for study
- Not changing gears quickly enough at times when interrupted from something I am focusing upon
- Writing out the thoughts that seem to come so much more fluidly when I speak them
- A self-perspective that notices my flaws shining out and my strengths to remain muted
- An ego that I try and try and try to keep in check - when I ignore its needs and its ability to take over, it becomes a weakness.
- Letting others become my source of confidence too often
- Organizational structure
- Putting too much detail into stories
- Not Slowing down
- Putting others ahead of myself too constantly - leaves me with not enough to keep giving
- I never learned how to switch hit! I think I could have been a great lefty bunt-for-a-base-hit guy!
Alright. . . there's room to work from here!! Sweet - I love a challenge!
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